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[sticky post] Oct. 21st, 2015

hanks to our psycho landlady I'm probably going to have to give up my dog. We don't have enough time to find a new place to live and the dog her self is getting too wild to handle. She stays outside most of the time but we don't have a run for her. She's used to running wild until we where threatened by aforementioned beast from the east. So we'll probably be giving her to a no kill shelter called Paws where she can find a better home where she can run free and play and stuff.

My health and depression are spiraling downward uncontrollably as well. I'm losing a lot of my appetite to. ...


I haven't talked about it much here but we're in the process of moving and also possibly being evicted because we own a dog and our landlady will not stop harassing us endlessly. It's been so difficult to find a place due to lack of available places and the inability to go far. We're restricted to a specific area so. My family refuses to move out of state, upstate or far away from the area due to lack of money and how it' be next to near impossible for us currently.

Bad news and General life Updates

Well, I'll start with the good news. My tablet came today and I got a bunch of junk mailed out.
Ok here's the bad news cause I know you guys are probably wondering.
Well, I was denied for bariatric surgery because of my mental health. I'm pretty sure the psych I went to for the letter fucked it up because they sent a 15-page thing and the Surgeon said I wasn't fit for surgery because of it. I believe the psych wanted me to pay out of pocket for more therapy :/ Which my insurance doesn't seem to cover.
The surgeon mentioned that my weight seems to have been the same for several years 330lbs. It's barely changed which is interesting. Also, my air mattress has a tiny hole in it because my old woman cat climbs instead of hops so I'm gonna find the hole and patch it. Then get pet stairs for kitty so her life is easier.
This was a pretty heavy blow to my self-esteem and a lot of other things. As for why I sleep on an air mattress is because every bed I get breaks due to my weight and well as you can see....
I do have some more good news. My insurance covers the Silver Sneakers program which means I'm able to go to gyms that support the program for free and my dad said he'll diet and exercise with me so I'm not alone.
My mom told me to eat what I always eat but less which is fair enough. I just feel kind of lost right now. Not suicidal or hopeless just kind of floating around if that makes sense and yes I did cry. It was such a hard blow to me after all the effort and work I put into getting that far...
I feel kind of numb if that makes sense. Just numb. I'm mostly ok, though. I got a lot done that I'm proud of so there's that. Still cleaning but I got my new tablet and I'm gonna finish the raffle prizes I owe asap.
My weight causes a lot of issues but my vitals are perfect which is nice but I don't know how. We're gonna see if I can get an appetite suppressor from the doc though.

Official Move Update

Shockingly I got internet within two days of moving into the new house. Talk about fast. The net is super super fast to wow.

The move was pretty rough unfortunately and some crap happened. I lost my pet bird when the bottom of his cage fell out and he flew away out here. We tried to catch him but only heard him. Never saw him..

My dad promised me a pair of new birds and a brand new fully decked out cage because he knew how much it hurt me to lose Oregano. I had that bird for over 8 years.. It's too quiet with out him.

Biscuit and Boots are taking the move well. Biscuit hates being tied up and I don't blame her. We're working on fixing our fence and gate so she can run in our huge yard and she'll be happy then.

My new room is smaller unfortunately but good things are happening suddenly.

I'm going t community college as an art major ! I'm not getting a student loan either i've had so many warnings and I don't want debt. I'm working on grants and financial aide right now. I'm in the process of filling out all the paper work c:

Things are a bit slow right now but i'll be back to art soon. I'm still unpacking stuff and i'm utterly exhausted, but I wanted to make a proper write up of what happened.

We found out the internet cable is going to be buried instead of left up so that's another good thing. I'm still in shock at how intensely fast it is. We got it from the cable company instead of the phone company and I still can't get over the shock. ATT and Hughsnet pale in comparison to this and we don't even have the fastest one.. It's like 40usd a month or something. I forget but it beats paying 100+ For trashy internet.

I'm also going to the doctor next week to prepare for my Bariactric surgery steps. I'm going to get paper work sent and then i'll get an official appointment for my um orientation thing.

Then i'll be on the diet before surgery. I also found a gender therapist ! They specialize in Psychiatric therapy as well and can adjust my meds. I'm also on stronger allergy pills. 120MG vs 10mg is a massive and welcome difference. It's non drowsy generic allegra and whoo boy does it help. I might have a cold to unfortunately. I have a lot of the symptoms. Aches, pains, congestion and runny sneezey nose. It's very mild though so i'm not sure. I do have some severe allergies.

Sorry for rambling on whoops. I'll just end this journal here on a positive note. I'm doing well.

Tags:

Chrr

if your wondering why I haven't been doing much it's because I go to "School" every day. What kind of school ? A special group therapy for mental people thing. It's helped me a lot though i'm not gonna say much about it cause confidentiality. I will say it's fun and it's made a huge difference in my life. I'm also in the process of getting paper work done for community college yo.

If all goes well i'm gonna use my fafsa to get an ipad and just download all my books onto it instead of paying 100s per book. Frick that yo. Plus i'll be able to draw commissions in my down time to. I still don't know what I wanna go into...

I'm considering a double Major or Art and Zoology with a minor in video game tech or computer programming. Idk yet. If they have webdesign though i'll go right into that. I'm interested in graphic arts and design and video game stuff. I'll have to see what they offer because I may just hop into some online stuff as well.

I'm also in the process of moving within the first few weeks of next month. It's been rather hellish around here and like I said before I still don't have a laptop. I'm planning on just getting a new one, an ipad or just building my desktop. If I go wtih the desktop i'll be using an ipad as a laptop replacement for the fact I can draw on it with a pressure sensitive stylus. Plus they seem to have more apps than android does.

If any one can recommend something better for drawing that I can take around and is a great laptop replacement let me know yo. I've heard of wacom tablets that do this but I barely know any thing about them. I need something that I can use like a tiny laptop with a keyboard but also draw and have full tablet functionality and access to good apps which Ipad has. It also has a kindle app on it so um.

Also i'm in the process of setting up for weight loss surgery. I've filled out all of my paper work for that already and faxed it. I owe a bit of art as well that i'm still working on pumping out. It's just not easy to do between all of this currently but i'm working on it slowly but surely.

My weekends are usually free btw so.

Also I really want a rabbit but my dad will only let me keep one outside. If I did i'd have a on ground hutch with a bun run in it. What are the ethics of this ? Do you recommend keeping them outside with a comfortable insulated hutch and a run ? Will they be happy like this ?

Please share your answers with me. I plan to keep chickens to. But I wanna hear what you guys have to say about bunnies. If they will not have a good quality of life then I will not be investing in raising outdoor bun buns. I will just stick strictly with chickens.

Got 7 teeth removed

But i'm doing alright. I also ordered a chest binder and compression shorts 3 days ago and they showed up already. They're nice and comfy and keep me pretty cool so i'm not burning to death like normal.

As for my mouth you heard me right 7 teeth. I have 6 teeth let in my entire mouth but i'm in no pain shockingly. I haven't even had to take pain killer at all for my mouth except for the first day which was yesterday. This has happened before. I'm still swollen and it hurts where I got the shots but other then that i'm ok.

Things are going well for me, I need to get some nasal spray to keep my nasal passages moist to keep the blood down cause they get dry and hurt. I'm still going to group therapy which has helped a ton for my mental health. Haven't heard any thing on that job app I put in but once I move back into town if all goes well I literally live in walking distance of a vet clinic so i'm gonna put in an app there.

Next step is to get to work on my FAFSA  for college which is my Financial Aid application and start going there. I'll be right down the road from campus if all goes well ! I won't be living on my own but at least i'll be super close to it. I found out months ago we have a bus system here so i'm able to charter the SEAT bus to take me to group c:.

It's free to go there but if it's non doctor stuff I have to pay a small, but reasonable fee.

I saw the new Bunnicula cartoon and I adore it. I used to read the books when I was little and fell in love with them.

Hmm what else, My birthday is still next weekend and I plan to get an ice cream cake. I know near the end of the month i'm gonna pre order Twilight Princess HD, send in my WII U tablet controller to get repairs done on it and buy some nerf armor for it.

Then what I Have left i'm signing up for Loot Crate ! I might wait on the armor and make sure I have enough for two subscriptions to loot crate as in two months worth.

I'm still drawing too and practicing just about every day. I'm Mad I can't get sims 3 to work >:u, I didn't actually buy it but you didn't hear that from me. I DO plan to buy it on steam though and try out 4 perhaps on Origin. I really like the game and the mods. I own sims 2 which I got free from Origin.

More on the move um i'm moving back into my house cause our name is still on it er its in my dads name so we're flipping it and going to move back in if they lower the payments for us. They sold it to another mortgage company again and some how all the back payments got paid off wooo. Peridot over excited sprite


2016 is def a good year right now for me. I don't have any thing negative to report honestly. Every thing's pretty calm, family's getting a along a lot better and every thing. I'm mostly comfortable right now to and i'll be opening commissions in a month or two to. I can't wait to show you guys what i've been working on lately to and i might draw a valentine card or two for the exchange. Just something cute and fun. Toilet Paper

Dream Entry: Death

I'm mirroring these to tumblr now


All I can remember was I was in my birth home again. I was tromping down the stairs into the middle yard. See the home had three yards sectioned off by fence. One side was brick and the other side was chain link seperated by an orange metal fence that fenced the neighbors yard. For some reason the patio that had been built wasn't there just the normal stones and dirt.

A bit chilly outside, leaves on the ground and every thing was colorful and normal. Regardless something still felt off but I ignored it. I was content for the time being.

The middle of the yard held a big tree, my favorite tree, and beyond that by 5 or so feet was the stone patio that the grill would rest on. On the right I could see our green ivy colored clay red brick wall. It wasn't a high wall so I could easily look over it. It came up to my chest just about. The very lowest part of my ribcage.

I hopped right onto it leaning on my tum as I looked over with excitement only to be met with fear slowly building in my gut. As I looked down I saw a line up of dead animals in a bed of ivy on the other side. Every thing was dead silent, no birds, no nature ambiance. Only my silent terror.

Lined up perfectly feet to back four dogs and 2 cats. Bloody mouths, blood from their eyes and various states of decay. All my child hood pets i'd grown up with... All dead and re-dug up some how. Perfectly lined up. I began to hyperventilate slowly as panic over took my body. I felt so much pain so much emotional pain and mental anguish.

Memories of anguish over flowing in my veins as I ran into the house into my parents room. I woke them up screaming hysterically and crying so hard I thought I was going to pass out. Every thing hurt so much the mental anguish was splitting my head. It was like an awful head ache that literally jolted me awake.

Thankfully I had no headache when I actually woke up.

Jan. 25th, 2016

I haven't posted for ever omg

Cows make interesting Exercise partners

Ok so when I go on my walks I walk by several cow pastures.
 I started noticing some of the cows stopping to watch me so my sister was like lol u shoul wave at them. So I did today just to be funny and they all looked up..

Then I noticed one by one the entire herd started following me ?!?!?! On the other side of the fence of course and I stopped and they all pooled up to the fence and watched me and nibbled on the plants on the other side. Then I kept walking and they followed me back and forth until they got to a point they'd just stop and watch

I was almost literally within arms reach of them at one point. They got startled and backed up when I got close tghen came right back and continued nibblingplants
so I left a plant on the fence and they came over and ate it.

The above is a copy paste from a skype convo.

Oregano

 was an hour late for Oregano's beddy song omg :c. Also finally i'm able to post a journal. I've been having wierd errors all this time.  I need to redo my mood theme super bad to.

Wow

It's been for ever since I last posted here. Lj has been kind of dead but I mostly come here to check up on friends. How is every one by the way ?

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